Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Why I'm Only Making One New Year's Resolution This Year

Hello all! I am basking in the glow of winter break. So much so that I am even blogging. Crazy right? I'm here today to get personal with you again and talk about why this year, in 2015, I'm only making one New Year's Resolution.

Yep, just one. 

This year I am resolving to do this one thing better- faith.

Let me start from the beginning.

I'm typing this at 1:30 in the morning. I slept in too late this morning (oh how I love winter break) and can't fall asleep. So naturally, my brain starts to bring up all of the things. You know, the things. The list of "Things That Are Currently Going Wrong In My Life That Need To Be Fixed Right Away". Those things. So here come the questions...Why me? Why can't I have that? When is that going to happen for me? Why can't I be happy all the time? Blah blah blah. The usual.

But this time, something stopped me ("Hello, God here!"). I started thinking about my hand. It was stretched out across the bed, just where my fingertips could touch my husband's arm. He doesn't notice. He's sleeping like a rock over there. But sometimes, like this time, I just want to reach out and know that he's there. And God reminded me in that moment that He keeps his promises. 

I didn't date in high school. I didn't date until college. And it killed me, as many things do at that age. Anything that set me apart from what I thought was "normal" or "cool" or "expected" was literally the end of the world. I spent countless nights asking God the same thing over and over- Why me? What's wrong with me? When is it going to happen for me?

When I think back on those days, I am heartbroken all over again. But for different reasons. First, I would tell myself to get it together and put on some makeup. Because I needed it. But then I would grab myself by the shoulders and shake me and say, "If only you knew what I know now! If only you could see what God's going to do for you!" 

And don't you know that's exactly what God is saying to me everytime my insomniac mind brings up my laundry list of problems? In the midst of my whining He is dying to shake me and say, "If only you knew what I know! If only you could see what's going to happen next!"

I met my husband during my sophomore year of college. I was honestly just around the corner from all that God had for me. But I was letting my selfish thoughts blind my faith. So often I let a bad case of the "why me's" get the best of me.
So let my husband (who was and is more than I could have ever imagined myself deserving and a million times better than high school boys I might add)- let all the countless blessings that surround me- be my constant reminder that God is a promise keeper. While I am whining my life away, He is waiting and ready to reveal to me a plan that is so much more wonderful than my small, human mind can imagine. Through my most broken moments (though there are may more to come I am sure), God has brought and will bring me joy.
 I only need faith to see it.

And that, my friends, is my New Year's Resolution for 2015. To live by faith, and not by my stupid, selfish, go-to-sleep-it's-one-in-the-morning sight ;)

"Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it's your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory." 1 Peter 1:7 (MSG)

"Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" Matthew 14:31 (NIV)

"It's what we trust in but don't yet see that keeps us going." 2 Corinthians 5:7 (MSG)

P.S. - God keeps lots of promises in my life (and yours). This is just one special example :)